Today I decided to give up on the option of completing my honours. With the difficulty of working through a roster that is workable but not viable compliant but not commendable. I have made a decision that will take me from the path of learning that I had once thought possible and I have moved it into the improbable.
My work is turbulent and only can be considered engaging as I hold onto the handrail of the secure option on a river that is not sure why different tributaries feed it strange and silted waters. As much as there is the desire it is the inability to make do or force open the options. For five years I have been capable of focusing my energies on the need to move constantly forward with a wide-ranging desire and the need to become better then I was in the hope of the greater will be a more evolved me.
Of course, it has required a desire and a drive that has sometimes left my family in the situation of second place. Though without their support there would not have been a successful me coming through at the end of this stage of my journey. A journey that has made me richer intellectually and emotionally and enable my understanding and appreciation of how precious my family really is.
What is the next step?
I do not know; but my next focus needs to be come from without. The within of my person feels satisfied, and that says that I need to step up and rise to a new challenge not of my making but of my agreement. My wife may not agree with where it takes me or us, but I know that I shall have her support, love and the prerequisite scolding’s for known fallibilities. Ones that are part of my being and require me to look at myself and wonder why I am and why I do what is not always in my best interest or the families.
Is this a sad note that I write?
Certainly not. I love my wife, family and life way too much to look at the glass being half full. So long as they are by my side the glass shall always be half full and the hope of a better tomorrow will sit within viewing distance. I simply need to find my new focus and hopefully this focus will give me the opportunity to be the husband and father that I desire to be. This is of course a work in progress because I am far from perfect.
By: Peter Fox
My Axial Hub 